near death experiences

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Email from Spiritual Seekers to a Near Death Experiencer

 

Death and Dying

 

 

 

conscious dying Life has no meaning

Hi D. Goble,
I know it tales nerve to be open to what comes in over the internet - so Thank You. I was left behind last year, by my loved one who died of inflammatory breast cancer less than a year after diagnosis.

I was given a gift - and as the primary care giver who was connected body and soul to her for 20 years, I am having a hard time letting my body in this plane resume it's normal associations and activities. Carol took me along part way - and I got to see a little of what was making her smile with her eyes closed...I saw amazing green hills, blue sky, a light breeze, soft, bright sun...I was happy to see the pain and fear leave her, and she finally left a day before the body died.

Since then, life here has had practically no meaning. I am "successful", "talented", "intelligent" - and so inept, stupid, and clumsy that I can't cross to understand this crazy context I inhabit right now. Can't seem to regain an old meditative practice - though I know it is part of the answer. I am in a new location (change of job), and cannot seem to connect to anyone (they are all wrapped up in family and have no time for one who is so alone)...just thought I would write and see if others you know have gone part way and have trouble reintegrating.

Ginny

 

 

Dear Ginny,
What you're experiencing is the process of grief according to Ginny. There is no right or wrong to this. You have to do what you have to do for as long as it takes to find meaning in this incredible experience you and Carol had in the physical world and what to do about it now that you are here and she is there. You are not alone. She's your inspiration and guidance, the love that lights your days and comforts you at night. You are her hands in the world of matter. She sees the world through your eyes. Together you will create something that transcends your physical relationship. You will be together again but you are where you are now because that's where you need to be right now so you can just breathe. That's all you have to do right now, just breathe. The meditation will come but for now just breathe, tense and relax your muscles, and breathe. The rest of your life can wait until you know what you want to do to honor Carol's memory and have a plan to manifest it with Carol's help from the other side. It takes as long as it takes.

When you get to the point of looking for ideas as to how to do that, check back on my site for updates about a training course for Transition Guides that I'm getting ready to release in August 2007. You might want to become a Transition Guide and teach others how to assist their loved ones to the other side. You might specialize in breast cancer patients. You might volunteer with Hospice or in a hospital or nursing home. Anybody would have trouble reintegrating after going part way, just as NDErs have trouble living with knowledge of two worlds, but it may turn out to be another gift. Some NDErs are able to go part way with a dying person, take the soul to meet the Transition Guide on the other side, and that's why they will make good Transition Guides once they have the tools in the training program. This may be something that appeals to you. Let me know if you want to get on my email list for updates about the program.

Just give yourself the time you need and don't let others pressure you into getting over it. There is no getting over anything, but there is getting on with it. Many blessings on your spiritual path.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

 

 

conscious dying Is there a way to communicate with loved ones?

 

My daughter was killed by a drunk driver 5 years ago. For the first few weeks I could feel and sense her around me. Several times I could hear her say Mom real loud. I pray that when I die I will be reunited with my daughter and be Mom and daughter forever. Ruby was my only child and she was 21 at the time of her death. My Mom died a few weeks after Ruby was killed from a heart attack. My Mom was only 62. Is there a way to communicate with loved ones that have passed?
I just discovered your website as I was looking up info about life after death.

 

 

Dear Carol,
I'm sorry for your losses and know how difficult it must be trying to make sense of it all. Strange as it may seem, there is a reason for your daughter and mother to be together and for you to be left alone (but you will be together again when it is your time to cross over). I'm sure it would help you to be able to communicate with them to find out why. It's difficult but not impossible. A good medium may be able to make contact for you but I wouldn't suggest your corner psychic. There are some listed on my links page.

Another way is to learn to sit and listen to the Silence, asking for a sign to let you know they are all right and watching over you. Learn to meditate.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

 

 

 

conscious dying Presence at the cemetary


Hello,

My name is Catherine and I am a student in Texas. Something happened to me today that I don't even know how to explain. My grandmother passed away a year and a half ago and I haven't been out to the cemetary since then. I went and ate lunch with my dad today in my hometown and for some reason decided to go out to the cemetary. I walked over to her tombstone and sat on a concrete bench next to it. I was sitting there for a minute and all of a sudden I felt the presence of somebody sitting becide me. There is no doubt in my mind that I was not alone and the feeling was calm and soothing. I got up to walk to the spot where my older sister is buried and every so often I would hear a foot crunch in the grass as I took a step. But once again I was not scared and I was not worried. I knew for once in my life that I had sombody watching over me, taking care of me, and maybe their presence was there to let me know i was safe. 

I called my dad after I left the cemetary and told him of my experience. My dad is not one i thought to believe in the paranormal but what he said really surprised me. He told me about the time when his dad passed away. He had sat up with him until about 3 AM that morning. Around 4 his mother came in and said that daddy had died. She also said that the last thing he said was 'Momma Momma". This caught dad by surprise because the last few days of his life, he hadn't said a word. My dad said he got up to walk to his grandmothers house ( his dad's mother) which was two houses down to tell her the news. He said that when he woke her up and told her what had happened she responded "I just had a dream that charlie was calling out to me saying "momma momma". If it can't get any wierder....dad said that after a couple of years after it had happened neither his mother or his grandmother remembered anything of the sort. What do you think about my experience?..i know i did not do a very good job of explaining it, but i really don't know how i feel about it all. After i left the cemetary the peaceful feeling went away and all i feel now is anxiety. I have all these feelings and fears that ive never had before. I was alone in my apartment for awhile today and I had this strong urge to get out and not to be by my self.
Please let me know what you think. I would greatly appreiate it!

Regards,

Catherine

 

Dear Catherine,
Thank you for writing to me. I can tell you that what you describe isn't so unusual. Things like this happen to many people but others tell them it was wishful thinking or they must have been dreaming or don't tell anyone least they think you're crazy... and so they believe them and try to bury the memory so that years later they wouldn't know they had had such an experience, would deny it emphatically... repressed memories. Some people keep journals and do write these experiences down, often surprising themselves when they reread their journal years later because they don't consciously remember but there it is in their own handwriting.

Learning to meditate can help you put these kinds of experiences into perspective and relieve your anxiety (look for Meditation in my Spiritual Lessons). Open yourself to experiencing the loving presence of your grandmother and sister and other family members. They are around you to give you strength and courage to face what comes to you on this side of the veil. The anxiety you feel is your interpretation of their presence... it is fear-based. Change your thoughts to gratitude for their presence and their blessings, and the anxiety will become feelings of love and compassion. Then use that energy to motivate yourself to evolve consciously to a higher level of understanding. That's getting on your spiritual path. Enjoy the ride!
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

 

Worried about my dad making it to Heaven

Hello,

I came across your NDE story. I am searching for answers. I lost my dad and have great difficulty. I worry that my dad might not have made it to heaven. He was a church going man, but as far as learning about salvation, I am not sure whether he learned what he needed to.

 

Dear Julie,
How do you know what more your father needed to learn? Really, how do any of us know what we need to learn or whether what we learn is what we need? What is your definition of Salvation? Be aware that Salvation is not part of every religion and among religions, and sects of religions, there are different meanings. Just because a religion teaches you something (for example, one must accept Jesus Christ as Lord in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven) doesn't make it true... it's just an accepted belief of members of that religion (otherwise you wouldn't be a member). But it doesn't mean you won't go to Heaven... if there is a Heaven, that is also a belief... and there are many descriptions of what Heaven is.

See definition of Salvation in my book about transition, Through the Tunnel.

As a near death experiencer, this is what I see of your father's transition. He was confused at first because what he'd been taught didn't match the experience he found himself having. He sees his dead body but he feels very much alive, in fact, feels very young, healthy and happy. He realizes he's dead but he's still alive, still conscious of everything around him, still hearing the people around him but not understanding why they seem to ignore him. Very quickly he was surrounded by loved ones who had gone on before him come to show him the way back to his real home in the spiritual world. He may have been met by his guides, teachers and guardian angels. He is urged to say goodbye to those he loves still on the physical side and to continue his journey to the other side. He is enveloped by a love so strong that all else pales and he is swept up in this current. If there were issues he didn't resolve before he crossed over, he will have to deal with them before he can go further but he has help along the way. This is where belief becomes important... asking forgiveness and turning to the Light or one's Savior, frees one from further torment over past misdeeds. If he awakened to the realization that he is a spiritual being who was having a human being experience before he died, that he was in the world but not of it, he will move quickly along his path of spiritual growth. If not, he will, in a sense, go on with further schooling until he is prepared for another lifetime as a human being.

A lot depends on what is on one's mind... the thoughts we dwell on most often and the thoughts on our mind as we lay dying. So no one can really say anything for sure about anyone else because no one but us knows what goes through our mind. The important thing for you to know to ease your mind is that we are all somewhere along our spiritual path to becoming divine-human beings. There are cycles of life and death. It takes many lifetimes to awaken to that realization and become Christ-like. The most important thing for you to do with the rest of your life is to be the best version of you you can be. You have your father as a spiritual guide to turn to when you need comfort. Honor his memory by doing good works in his name. I assure he will be by your side, all you need to do is acknowledge his presence. He feels your pain and he feels joy from your successes in life.

Your grief is part of your life... it will lessen over time but it will always be there. Now it may seem overwhelming but gradually you'll incorporate it into your life and you will draw strength from having been your father's daughter and making him proud as he watches you grow. Know too that he will be there to welcome you home when it is your time to return.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

Diane,

I am struggling with many unresolved issues that lead to my dads death. I felt I wasn't able to be there with him in the hospital like I wanted. Just breif my sisters didn't want me ther, and I just had a newborn baby. She was 6 weeks old when my dad passed. He was not ready to die; and I wasn't ready for him to die. He really wanted to see my children grow up more. This tares me up so much inside.

I do have the question, some people in their NDE have shared negative ones. This scares me. Example the one of Howard Storm in his experience. What do you think of this? The Bible does talk of hell. Anyway I guess as you can tell this is a great concern of mine.

Thank you very much for your time, and your response to my E-mail.

Julie

Dear Julie,

Yes, some people do report less than positive NDEs, but they always report a positive outcome. Being shown the error of one's ways allows one to make a mid-life correction (e.g., hardened criminals become ministers after a less than positive NDE). Read about the Bardo experience. It's not Divine Punishment, it's taking an honest look at ourselves and realizing how far off our spiritual path we are so we can get on with our true purpose in life.


Spend some time in the Seekers Open Forum reading emails from people seeking answers just like you and my responses... perhaps what I wrote to someone else will be helpful to you, and there are a number of relevant topics to choose from.

There are three books I'd like you to read. First, mine (Through the Tunnel) because it explains the process the dying person goes through, which should help you realize that the things you're upsetting yourself about are not even a concern. There are many good books listed in my Bookstore, but especially Final Gifts by Callanan and Kelly (hospice nurses who write about their beautiful experiences of being with the dying) and The Grace in Dying by Kathleen Singh to help you shift your attitude about death and dying.

Read Testimonials from people who have been helped through their grief and confusion just by reading my material... you may relate to others who share your same fears.

Helpful web resources.

Grief is a process that takes time, how much time no one can say. It's not really something someone else can help you with other than to comfort you when you're feeling the sadness strongly. This isn't just your father's passing but the loss of your relationship with your sisters... it's a major loss, a significantly stressful series of events... on top of having a newborn to deal with, it's a set up for an illness a couple of years from now if you don't pay attention to what's really important... your health and the health and well-being of your child. So take care of yourself and relax with some interesting reading for now.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

 

 

Part of me now believes that death is the end


I have been a student of NDE (also a disciple of a living master)for many a long year. My parents, sister, brother, husband, two partners have all died and recently my daughter (water-skiing accident). Through all this time there has never been the slightest or vaguest hint that they have survived death; no communication, no dreams, just absolutely nothing. Why is this? I consider myself a spiritual loving person and cannot make any sense from the fact that none of these persons, all of whom I loved dearly, would not want to communicate with me in some way at least. I really don't understand at all. A part of me now believes that death is the end. Does anyone know the answer?

Dear Isha,

From the human perspective, we desire contact because our loved one is no longer here with us. From the spiritual perspective, they don't miss us because they can still visit us and know what's going on in our lives. But the communication part is difficult... some are better at making contact than others, and some humans are better receivers than others.

If you can get hold of an American movie called "Ghost," you should watch it. The lead character gets killed but becomes a ghost. He has to learn to communicate with his wife to save her from being killed so he goes to another ghost he met in the subway to teach him how to move a physical object, a coin in this case. After a great deal of effort and concentration, he is finally able to move the coin and uses it to convince his wife that he is there with her and saves her.

It explains how difficult it is for those on the other side to have any effect on the physical dimension, much less to appear in the physical dimension. When they do part the veil, the effect is so subtle we often miss it... a slight breeze, a sudden chill, a picture frame fallen over or a book to the floor, the smell of perfume or cigars or cookies baking, something that grabs our attention then is gone are more likely than full blown apparitions. The truth is they could all be in the room with you right now jumping up and down, screaming for you to notice them and there you sit thinking they have forgotten you just because you can't see them... myself, I'd prefer to think of it that way. I talk to my sister's picture. I touch my dog's urn as I walk by... they're all with me!

Another thing to consider is that once we are on the other side, we have a lot to do. We don't just sit around watching the grass grow. Our entire family is around us, learning doesn't stop so there is school and studies, there are things to create and a universe to explore. In other words, we have a life over there that keeps us pretty busy. We are only gone to earth for a few minutes, the other side is our real life. We are spiritual beings having human being experiences on earth. Our bodies don't survive but we do.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

What was Dad seeing?

Dear Diane,

Our Father passed away recently, he was home in hospice with the family. Dad a few days before he died talked about a tunnel and how the people looked like ant's, also he would raise his right arm and his hand would be trying to grab at something or someone, he repeated this for a few days just before he died. Can you explaine what Dad was seeing at this time. We look forward to reading your book.  

Thank You ,Tom

Dear Tom,
I'm sorry for your loss but I'm sure your father is surrounded with love and joy as he adjusts to life on the other side. Many people as they near death awareness are able to see into the next dimension, to see the light, the tunnel, others waiting to greet them and help them cross over. Some people see angels, some see monsters. Some dying people cringe in fear, others go joyfully into the light depending on their level of consciousness. My book is meant to help people understand what we go through when we move into the dying process so they are prepared, as well as to help their loved ones realize what the dying person might be going through during the process, in the final moments and immediately after breathing ceases. You didn't say whether your father was peaceful or disturbed or curious, or what his reaction to what he appeared to be seeing was, which would indicate something about what he was experiencing.

Another book that could help ease your mind is Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan. You'll find a link to it to amazon.com in Seekers Bookstore. She and another hospice nurse wrote about their experiences of being with people as they were dying and most of them reacted similarly to your father... as if they were seeing into the next life while they were in the process of stepping out of their physical bodies and letting go of their attachments to the physical world. Death is a transition, not an end.

I mailed your books today. You should have them in about a week.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

Dear Diane,

Dad passed away peacefully, how ever there was a time when my sister came over to visit him, from what I seen and understand, my Father pulled his hand away from her, and also told her to get the hell out of here, My sister turned agaisnt our Father for some reason.

Can you please explain or tell me why my father resented her, my sister is a person that turned against our Father, because we brought a bluiding and she could not come over much because he livied on the second floor. I may also add that my sister's husband shafted his own Brother sometime ago by talking him out of his own house to sell it and buy an apartment building. He took his Brother for a sucker and he died in a flop house hotel. What is wrong with people like them.

Thank You, Tom

Dear Tom,
We are all somewhere along our spiritual path and have our own lessons to learn throughout our lives. There is no way to know of another's path, why things happen, why people do the things they do, but what we are learning through our relationships and experiences is to become more loving and compassionate. There is nothing wrong with those people you mentioned, it's simply that they have chosen to learn their lessons the hard way. Others may learn more from their mistakes by observing them than they will in this lifetime. It is more important for you to recognize that what bothers you about other peoples' behaviors are things you need to acknowledge within your own self to help your on your path of self-discovery.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

Is it possible to know when we're going to die?

hi diane,
my name is sara. im 16 and have been struggling lately with what to believe about life in general and my purpose. i stumbled across your site and felt great comfort reading everything. you know what you're talking about so i decided to ask you a question that only someone gifted like you could answer. im not sure if my question fits under conscious dying but id like to tell you a little background info on the situation before i ask my question. two 19 year old boys that were friends of mine (daniel and laney) were killed in a car accident in august. before then, ive never thought about death. but since then its been nagging at me constantly. a few hours before daniel was killed, he left a very disturbing voicemessage on his cell phone for everyone to hear when they called. i dont know how to put into words what this message is like. it is about 3 mins long and its like his "last words" to everyone. i know it seems like a suicide type situation, but i know its not. he sounded like he was in a trance and gave life advice the whole time. that is very very unlike him. daniel and laney both knew a lot of people in my town... all 4 highschools in my area were almost empty the day of their funerals (their parents planned them on the same day because they were best friends) i know for a fact that neither of them were unhappy with their lives; they had money, daniels dad is a state representative, they got all the girls, they partied, they always had smiles on their faces...they were great people. it wasnt a suicide attempt. the car had a total of 4 people inside and 2 died on impact...2 survived with only scratches. they struck a telephone pole about 50 ft. from daniel's driveway... but now on to my question.. is it possible to have a type of "meeting with god" before you die? the voicemail chills my bones everytime i listen to it. its like he knew he was going to die and he wanted everyone to hear what he had to say before he left..so he recorded it as his voicemail greeting. but is it possible to feel when you're for sure going to die?

Dear Sara,
One thing we can never know is what's going on inside someone else's head. What we see on the outside may be a mask and some people are very good at hiding their true selves. Just the fact that this young man left a disturbing phone message for everyone one to hear indicates something was going on with him. You didn't say who was driving or how the accident happened or what was the tone of his voice on the recording or what the survivors had to say, which may be clues as to his intention.

As to your question... I don't believe it's possible to have a meeting with god so he can tell you it's time to go. I believe how long we stay in this life is decided by our Soul before being born into this world as a human being. It may be that his Soul decided he only needed 19 years in this lifetime and it was time to go and somehow he tapped into that memory. However, there are many stories of people who say good-bye to their loved ones leaving them with the feeling that they will never see them again and the next thing they hear is that the person died. Often when elderly or very sick people are approaching death, they become aware their death is near. It's called nearing death awareness. Sometimes people have a dream that someone they love came into their room and they had a conversation only to find out the next day that the person died during the night. So there are a great many questions about death and the soul and the after life to contemplate. We all have to think about death because we will all get to experience it. If you think about it as just another phase of life, like moving from childhood to teenager to adult, it's not such a scary thought.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

thanks so much for your time, i really appreciate it ;-] that makes a lot of sense. the boy who left the voicemail, daniel, was the one driving with 3 other friends with him. i guess no one will ever know what his intentions were. thinking of it as another phase of life is pretty comforting so that's how i'll view it from now on. but i'll let you get back to answering your other emails. thank you diane!

My step-son died in Iraq, now my son is going there

Hi:

I "stumbled" on your website. I have always been one to believe that we are "pushed" into what is supposed to happen. Like Pat Tillman; everything is wonderful in his life, yet he feels a need to join the army--then dies. I have always believed when someone dies it was meant to be. I could never figure out why anyone would be soooooo upset over the death of a loved one since their loved one went to heaven and I consider that Paradise, and shouldn't we all be excited that our loved one is now happy, without pain, living in paradise. Etc...

Well, now the shoe's on the other foot. My stepson, Branden, age 22, died November 8th in Iraq. I wasn't even his mother, but I have been a part of his life since his conception, and have loved him since day one, and have always provided for him in every way possible--and I hurt sooooo bad. I have lost my "security blanket" that I had before, wherein I felt we went to heaven for a reason (and that none of this would ever happen to me). Now, I am wallowing in selfpity, shock, fear, and insecurity. I am scared God is mad and is taking all my children away. I am wondering what kind of God would give us such a wonderful child in our lives (he was almost perfect--for a human being), and take him at his prime. Why would God give us such pain....what lesson is he trying to teach us? Did he take Branden from us to teach us what others are feeling? That's terrible!! All He had to do was give me alittle more compassion. Wave a majic wand or something. That's all. I didn't need to lose a child to be given a lesson. The only other lesson I was taught is that life is a joke. At my expense. I was given a child to love, train, nurture, hold....and can't keep him. I now have my own son,Nick, age 18, joining the Marines. He will be gone before January 15th. Yes, right now he's just going to Boot camp. But eventually, he will be going to Iraq. He will die just like Branden. I will never see him again. No grandbabies from these two beautiful men. What kind of lesson is this? Was I supposed to have been a nun? Lived without children? I have a daughter, age 16. Will he take her also? I remind myself that my parents had two kids and neither of us died. So it isn't EVERYONE who loses children. What makes God choose certain people? I never believed before this that God PUNISHED people. I suddenly worry that I did something horrible (can't think what it is, tho) and God is taking my children as a punishment. I'm scared. Now, on top of the grief of losing Branden (who didn't even live with us), I'm living with the fear of the doorbell ringing AGAIN and the chaplain and two other uniformed Marines standing on my doorstep to say "I regret to inform you that your son was killed in action ...." I don't have a need to fear the doorbell right now, as my son hasn't left for boot camp yet, but for some reason, I am afraid to answer my door even now. I'm totally irrational and can't get past it. I function fine all day, but these little things throw me off. I then stress out and cry. And cease to function till someone yanks me back to reality. Where can I read the purpose of killing a 22 year old boy?

Thanks for listening.

Sandy

Dear Sandy,
It certainly is a test of one's belief system when death enters the picture. It forces us to question everything we ever believed, tear it all apart, look at every piece, turn it upside down and inside out... and in the end, we come out with either a whole new set of beliefs or a stronger belief in our previous belief system. It is all part of the process of grief. Right now you're understandably angry and have a right to express that anger, even at God who can take all we dish out... but deep down you know that God didn't do this to hurt you or to teach you a lesson. If you think this, you need to reassess your concept of God because it is not something an All-Loving God would do.

If you use karma as a model, this was Branden's soul path. He needed to experience a lifetime where he dies while fighting for freedom and democracy to help humanity live in peace. He needed you to be the person to raise him to reach his potential so he could learn what he came here to learn about himself and his soul path. Your purpose was to be his guide in life, perhaps his is to now be your guide from the other side. You and he made these plans before you came to be on this earth and now is the time to manifest those plans. Something about him and the way he died will motivate you to do something that will reach out to help others in similar circumstances. Branden hasn't gone anywhere, he is still with you... you just can't see him. He can still see and hear you so talk to him as if you could see him.

Your son Nick does not have the same soul path as Branden and there's no reason to assume he will die also. He will certainly have Branden as his guardian angel wherever he goes. The same for your daughter.

Grief is a painful process and there is no way to make it stop... it just becomes part of you, but it is not all that you are.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

Family Bonds

Dear Diane,

I just stumbled across your website yesterday. Your website is a wealth of information, and I have added it to my favorites.

Over the years I have been extremely interested in NDE's, OBE's, and paranormal experiences...even before they were publicly discussed. Briefly, my father is the youngest of 14, and we are a close-knit family. Because I have many relatives, I obviously have had to deal with death and dying since I was very young, both with those quite close to me and those distant, the impact different, but the same. In 1988 when I was two weeks shy of my 21st birthday, my 28 year-old brother, John, was killed in a trench cave-in, and 5 short months later, my favorite uncle, Tom, died of emphysema. Just writing that sentence profoundly moves me...I miss my brother, unbearably at times.

In any case, I wanted to share with you my experiences with both of these deaths. I will start with my brother's death. As I told you, he was killed in a trench cave-in (he was welding methane gas pipes at a landfill). Because of the manner of his death, the police and Johnny's boss came to tell my parents of this tragedy. It felt surreal...the whole experience, from hearing the utter anguish in my parents voices (I still block it) to calling my younger brother, who, when he arrived home, stepped out of his car, looked at me and said "Johnny died today, didn't he?" At one point during all of this chaos, I stepped outside to where a police officer was (he was crying), I took his arm, looked at him, and asked him if he was absolutely sure it was my brother. In that instance, I literally felt detached from my body. It was only an instant, less than a blink of the eye, but my recall of that moment is crystal clear. Do you think it was an OBE? I think it was. It's been over 16 years...I haven't really had any significant dreams about my brother, although I have had experiences that has made me realize that he is with me. But to hug and hold him again, to physically see him...thinking about just sitting with him and holding his hand, or to just hear him say that I (and my children) am going to be ok, well, I'd give most anything. The grief is as fresh sometimes as the day I heard that police officer tell me that yes, it was John that died that day.

Well, anyway, again, as I said, my Uncle Tom died five months later. He and I, like my brother and I, share a unique bond...he was one of my most favorite and trusted friends. I had many wonderful times with my Uncle Tom...in fact, he taught me how to drive a car when I was seven years old (ha ha ha, the memory makes me smile). A few days before he died, my younger brother, Brian and I flew out to Washington state for a 16 day rest and regrouping. I woke very early one morning, woke Brian up and told him about a dream I just had and told him that I needed to call mom and dad to find out how Uncle Tom was. With the three hour time difference (we live in NJ), it would have been 2 am. The dream was my Uncle Tom "popping" in...it was sort of foggy and I remember bare tree branches...like it was fall (he died on September 30 incidentially). He popped in my dream, and he looked middle-aged (he was in his 70's, but the emphysema made him look much older), head full of dark hair, healthy, vibrant really. He floated around and I looked at him and asked him why he was here...he said that he just wanted to tell me that he loved me and that he would always be with me. He placed something in my hand...to this day, I have no idea what it was, but he assured me that he would always be with me. He popped out of my dream, and I told him not to go, he came back and again reassured me he was with me. The dream ended. I called my parents that night, told them about my dream, but they told me he was fine. Once Brian and I got home, my mom told me that the morning I had my dream my Uncle Tom died. He died around 8 am...ironically, I woke up from my dream at 5 am. Ever since his death, I have been completely at peace with his death, I believe it was because he came to see me before he left here. What do you think?

That's my story. Thank you for reading it. Lately, I have been missing my brother more so than normal...I think I just needed to get this out of my system. Thank you also for your website...it's helped me in my quest for death and dying information, as I am positive it's helped others.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,
Thank you for writing. I'm grateful the information you found here was helpful to you in trying to understand death and dying. I'm sad for your losses and that you will have many more to come, but therein lies your reason for being on this planet at this time. I see you're with the Deborah Foundation so you're already involved in your mission to help others according to your skills, abilities and interests... and you may be the one in the family who helps other family members through life's tragedies.

Your brother doesn't miss you because he is still with you... in a sense, he didn't go any where, you just can't see him. You miss him because you think he isn't there. But just like your uncle who popped in to say goodbye when he died, your brother comes to you whenever you think about him... you just have to know that he is there and talk to him as if he is. Imagine he is sitting in his favorite chair or have his picture in front of you or hold something of his to help you feel the connection. Meditation can help you listen so intently to the silence that you feel him around you and you can choose to open yourself to his spiritual guidance. When you learn to accept that he, and your uncle, are still part of your life and are there for you when you need them, you're ready to begin to live your mission in life by honoring those who have helped you become the loving and compassionate person you are.

Many people have OBEs under extreme stress, especially grief. Sudden death is such a shock, everything swirls around, time slows down, speeds up, disappears, it becomes a surreal experience where nothing makes sense. It's easy to get thrown out of one's body momentarily and often... so I'd say, yes, it's likely you had an OBE. It could be a gift... that you awakened to the reality that there's more than one reality and we are more than just our physical bodies-- we are spiritual beings having human being experiences. The question is, what will one do with such profound insight? Some will pass it off as an illusion and forget about it or say it's the work of the devil and repress it; some will see it as a wake up call to do something great for humanity and the planet, possibly becoming obsessed with fixing the world according to their view of it... for most people who get these glimpses into another dimension, what we do about it falls somewhere in between and is dependent on the person... their lifestyle, their religion, their education, where they live, how much money/time/resources they have available to them, what connections they have, how much influence they have, who their friends and enemies are, their health, their family situation, their job, their self-esteem, their motivation, and so on and so on and so on. It can years to work through all that before one figures out the actual path they are going to take to accomplish this mission. The joy, however, is in the journey and there is no need to rush it.

What your uncle taught you about death and dying by coming to you and reassuring you that he was with you is a story you could tell to a dying person to help them realize that the transition is peaceful, we become healed on the other side (young again), and we will still be part of our loved ones lives. Nobody wants to talk about death to the dying, but those who desire a peaceful death wish someone would. You can bring peace to those left behind by helping them realize their loved on is still with them. You could write a book; speak to nurses, hospice workers, support groups; volunteer at hospitals to visit dying patients; become a Transition Guide. I don't know what your interests and talents are but if something I said catches your attention, that's a good starting place, then depending on your interests, abilities, etc., let your soul be your guide.

Bless you on your spiritual path.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

Don't rock the boat

I'm a hospice volunteer. At one of our training sessions on end-of-life issues, we were told by one of the hospice nurses that we should never tell a patient or the family that it's all right to let go. I was surprised by this advice and can't say I agree with it. Please let me know your viewpoint. Thanks

Meg

Dear Meg,
I found it difficult to work with hospice because of some of their rules/viewpoints. I understand why... Medicare is a government run program based on the medical model, dependent on government funding, and it's not politically correct to suggest it's all right to die. My goal is to get individuals working in the field of death and dying to open up a dialog among their peers so these issues get discussed and a new way of looking at death evolves into conscious dying programs so that dying people and their families can participate in this transition together. There are some organizations promoting a better way to die and you'll find information under Spiritual Lessons.
Bless you for your work with the dying.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

Is a visitor watching over my daughter?

Dear Diane,

I was hoping you could give me some perspective on the things that are currently happing with my daughter. Her name is Hope, almost 1 year ago she was injured in car accident at the age of 2. She suffered a broken neck, traumatic brain injury, 6 crush ribs and a broken collar bone. she was in a coma for almost 2 months and awoke once i brought her back home. she is now 3 and scooting around on her bottom, going to school, but does not speak nor walk. Although we have our special ways of communicating. She has always been a spiritual little girl,as i am also. She always points up into the air and giggles. I was wondering if possibly i have a visitor in my home watching over her. thanks for your help!

jacquelynn

Dear Jacquelynn,
I'm not a psychic medium but I can assure you that those in your family who have crossed over are watching over you and your child... always... but particularly in his case. Also, children until the age of 6-7 often retain memories of their spiritual home, past lives, and are able to see and communicate with those on the other side. (By that age, the world convinces us that's not real.)

But your daughter quite possibly had an NDE, probably more than once, with all she went through. Even though she may not be consciously aware that she nearly died, returned to her spiritual home then returned to her body, she retains memories from that experience and is in a sense trapped between two worlds (one with great freedom, the other restricted). At her age, it seems normal to her to drift between two levels of consciousness but as she gets older, she'll have conflicts about it, like not feeling she belongs in either world. Many people have remembered as adults, NDEs they had as young children. After years of therapy, they finally realized that was the reason they were so screwed up... the repressed memory of that incredible experience that the world said cannot be was at last released and transformed their lives. But wouldn't it better to encourage the spiritual connection our children have from the beginning, as part of their education?

That being said, I'd say there's an excellent chance that your daughter is seeing grandma (or other relative) and that she's not scared but happy about it. You might show your daughter pictures of relatives who have transitioned to see if she has a reaction to anyone... particularly if it's someone who died before your daughter was born, someone she's never seen. This could be someone she met on the other side who has stayed close to her to help her through the challenges she has.

I encourage you to talk to her about the spiritual experiences you have had, about a spiritual book you are reading, tell her thoughts you have, the questions you have, make it part of your normal conversation, age appropriate though she may wise beyond her years even though she's unable to express it... but what you tell her will shape her understanding of what a special being she is. Even if she never speaks again, she may express herself through music, art, writing as she grows. Encourage her to try all of these.

You have a challenging path in this life as does your daughter but you have been blessed with each other to give you strength. Love overcomes all things and together you will help many others who experience similar situations.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

How to approach the dying

Hello Diane,

I have just read your near death experience on the web, and found it very beautiful and moving. I am always interested in this matter as I visualize this experience as very similar as cosmic consciousness, which is the ultimate aim of all human beings whether they are conscious of it or not.

I myself follow a path of meditation from Parahamansa Yogonanda, and when you read the chapter on Cosmic Consciousness in the book of "The Autobiography Of A Yogi", there are many similarities.

What I would really like to ask you is in what way did you work with the dying and there loved ones, as it is such a delicate area, what approach did you have at these sensitive times? I also work with the dying in a palliative unit as a nurse. I also guide meditations and meditate together if the patient wishes, they have always had positive effects. But I would really like to have other approaches so people can have hope there is so often uncertainty for both those dying and there loved ones.

Thank you again for sharing your beautiful experience and hope you may find time answer my question.


Jill

Dear Jill,
Bless you for writing. I was a hospice volunteer for many years. I took the same approach as you... if it appeared people were open to talking about death, I did. Sometimes I taught people to meditate, sometimes I meditated while sitting with a sleeping or comatose patient. Here I talk about being with the dying. I've had people (ministers, nurses, caregivers) create their own course for training people to become "spiritual midwives" using my book, Through the Tunnel, as a guide. Others have started support groups for people with a terminal illness also using the book as a guide. Depending on what you're called to do, you might want to start a group or offer a workshop for patients, families, caregivers, even medical folks to get the dialog going.

If you want to talk about it or share what you're doing, I be happy to respond.
Peace & Joy!
Diane


I am struggling to even accept I am dying

DEAR Diane,

I met a wonderful lady on the cancerweb site who, like me, has ben diagnosed with terminal cancer - she forwarded your details to me.  

I live in the UK and my prognosis is to live for around 6 more months.  I am fairly newly married, very much in love (my first and only mariage) at 44 years old.  I am trying to believe in an afterlife and am struggling.  I am struggling to even accept I am dying.  I feel certain a 'mistake' has been made. I so want to help the wonderful husband I would leave, a very sick father and an extremely dear mother, besides of course helping myself by accepting.
Please can you help?  Can you recommend anyone in the UK?  although I'd very much prefer your help?  How could you help, if you have the time?  I would be so grateful for your thoughts/advice.

Kindest Regards
Karen

Dear Karen,
I'm grateful to Cheryl for putting us in touch. Sorry I don't know anyone in the UK.

You're entering into some unknown territory with this disease and it helps to have a lot of support to get you through it. You have your family around you for emotional support but you won't want them walking around on egg shells. Ask them to be honest with you and ask them for what you need. The same with your friends... they will want to help but they won't know what you need and don't need unless you tell them. Let them be there for you... this is for their soul's growth too. There is a great deal of support online where you'll find others who are going through exactly the same process you are and they will be the only ones who really understand. You'll find resources on my Caregiver pages. But there is also an existential issue you now have to deal with... what happens after you die. Hopefully, you live in a community or belong to a church or group that offers support groups. Take advantage of it, it will be a wonderful learning experience. If you are a religious person, it's time to get back to really understanding your faith... if not, you may be grappling with fear of the unknown. You need to find someone who is non-judgmental to sort it out in your mind. To be able to die in peace is our soul's desire for us.

If you don't have a trusted friend, counselor, or clergy who you can see in person, it sometimes helps people to have an anonymous relationship with someone like me who they find they can talk to about anything. I can be here for you online when you need someone you can talk to about things others don't want or are afraid to talk about, when you need to scream and rage at the unfairness of of it all, when you are ready to talk about dying and how to prepare yourself and your family (even planning your own deathbed ceremony and memorial service), when you need someone to remind you how blessed you are to have this life time opportunity (it's all about love and compassion), when you need someone to motivate you to keep fighting or to help you let go... I'm someone to reach out to in your darkest hours.

I suggest you read my book, Through the Tunnel, to help you become familiar with the dying process (it's better to make your plans while you're healthier and to begin practicing meditation to help you stay centered through the process). It may also help you on your path to acceptance, keeping in mind that it is a process and you will go through many stages before you reach it. You'll find many other resources in my Research section.

If you're interested, I can help you understand the karma of this path, learn what lessons you are learning and teaching to others, and to dissolve any unresolved karma. I can help you see this disease as the purpose of your life, whatever the outcome, and to get the most benefit from it for your soul's growth. If this doesn't resonate with your belief system, I understand... it's not for everyone. It really depends on where the person is on their spiritual path. Please go to my counseling page.
Peace & Joy!
Diane


He dreamt that he would die in a car crash

Dear Diane,
I have read with intrest your site and experience and found a lot in common. My son died in a horrible vehicle crash just before Easter this year 04, his body was crushed by a large truck. I must admit that for a while I could not get past the manner of his death. I have read the stories and like the others wondered if my son suffered before his passing. I am very spiritual and have had some experiences in the past since my mother passed when I was 19. My son told me a few months before his passing that he dreamt that he would die in a car crash but I tried to convince him that he was wrong, but he told me that he seen other things that had come true and even said that I wouldn't believe some of the things he had seen, he wouldn't describe them to me.

Just before I turned 30 I had an experience; one night I woke with a severe chill and ran a bath of scolding water and got into it, my wife woke up and found me in it but said that I did not go red or seem in distress. My breathing got slower and shallower and I felt a calmness that I couldn't explain come over me but came round as I felt that something was telling me to wake up and carry on, I felt that if this was dying then I would welcome it, It was after this that I became more spiritual. I have Celtic blood in me and my Scottish aunty has had contact with my son telling me that he is well and whole again and sorry for leaving and causing me pain. I have also had contact with someone from the other side showing me that they are there and listening. I have a brother who is very religious and tells me that I am conversing with the devil not my son or past relatives. I think I know that I am right but having lost such a lovely child at only 20 years of age is very testing of ones faith!
Yours sincerely
Robert

Dear Robert,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son in such a terrible accident and so young... but please be assured that he felt no pain. No one who has any kind of severe accident like that and survives reports feeling any pain at the time. The physical body goes into shock and the pain receptors shut down when there is a severe injury to the body. Spiritually though, the soul leaves the body before impact... more likely, is thrown out of the body in such a case so there is no suffering. There can be confusion following this kind of departure, the personality not knowing it's body has died, but you said your son had a premonition so it is likely he knew right away what happened... and given his unspoken experiences, it's likely he knew to go to the Light and that he is fine. I sense that those who die young are more highly evolved souls who don't need to live a full human lifetime to fulfill their purpose for becoming human... and that people like your brother, still stuck with the devil concept, have a lot more work to do before they evolve to a higher consciousness.

Yes it is a major test of faith when one loses a child. We all have many lessons to learn from each other and to teach each other, it is your task to figure out what it means to you but you have your son on the other side as your guide. Keep him alive in your heart by honoring his life and know that he is with you... you are always together whether in body or not. Don't stop talking to him or including him your life, don't bury your feelings or try to put it behind you. Be present with him as he is with you and you will comfort each other.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

 

Angelic choir

Hello Diane,
I came across your website and found it so inspiring. My father just passed Jan. 22 of cancer. My mother and 2 sisters were with him in the hospital. A strange thing happened and I would like to hear your opinion of it. My sister had called me and said mom is hearing a choir of men singing or chanting coming from my dads mouth or nose area. We thought she was so tired and hadnt eaten that she was hearing things. We ignored it until my sister called to say now all 3 of them were hearing it and it went from a mens choir to a womens choir. They heard it loud, distinct and for quite
awhile. As they went closer to my dads face, it was louder, they all KNEW thats where it was coming from. He passed a little while later. This has given us all great comfort. Could it be a choir of angels were welcoming him over? They are 100% sure of what they heard and I believe them totally. Please give me your opinion of this and if people do hear this when they are crossing over. Thank you so much. I have found great comfort in reading your website.

Sincerely,
Eileen

Dear Eileen,
I'm honored my web site gave you some comfort about the death of your father. Rest assured he continues to watch over his family and is with you when ever you think of him. He must have been quite a person in his life to have a choir of angels singing him over! I don't find that such a strange concept but then I've heard so many stories, I think anything is possible. I haven't actually heard exactly what you described but I do have a friend who talks about nothing but angelic sounds she heard during her near death experience so I imagine we all have angels around us when we cross over. For others to hear them singing seems quite extraordinary but it could mean that your mother and sisters are meant to do something extraordinary because of that experience, perhaps to honor him and/or help others. It may take them some time to come to terms with that because they are grieving his death but if they follow a spiritual path it will unfold in its own time. The new field of music thanatology comes to mind.
Peace & Joy!
Diane


My Story

I enjoyed reading your story and decided to tell you mine.

I married my high school sweet heart and was married for 20 years we divorced and I meet a man I had known for years just as an acquaintance. His son played baseball when my son did we both served on the Little League board.

We got together and thins were rough at first he had a son and I had two children our ways of razing were different. We had broke it off for awhile and we got back together. Things couldn't have been so great we finally connected and was doing allot of camping with the kids.

Scott would complain of dizziness and crossed vision we had been back and forth to the doctor but they kept saying it was is eye's, blood pressure, kidney's. They never found out the problem was a blocked artery and he died on his birthday of a brain stem stroke at age 43. I felt so helpless watching him cry out in pain and hold onto me, but I could do nothing.

On June 1st the doctor told me he was gone and that the machine was only keeping him alive so we had to make a decision on to unhook him. His boy now 19 would have to be the one to make that choice, so I prayed the night before that God would take him.

Monday morning his boy called me from the hospital and said if you want to say any last words to my dad to come now he was not doing well. I jumped in the car with my hazards lights on just saying please wait for me don't go yet. I met his boy in the lobby and I went in the room where Scott lay. I rubbed his head and gave him a kiss and said it was ok to go and now maybe he would see what I have been telling him about the after life all along. Within a few minutes he passed all the monitors went silent.

A few months before Scott passed away my grandma that I was close to, died in the same hospital room as Scott. We had a service in my parents garden for my grandma. My uncle asked us to hold this purple ball and say our last words to her. I however asked her if Scott was the man for me and would I marry him someday. My ring finger burned and I looked and had no jewelry on. I asked again and my entire hand burned this time. I looked to see if the sun was shinning on the ball but I was in the shade, I passed the ball on and just dismissed it.

In some way my grandma was telling me no from the other side.

Thanks Cindi  

Dear Cindi,
I appreciate your telling me your story. It sounds like you got the message from your grandma right. You may have dismissed it because that's not the answer you wanted to hear at the time.
Peace & Joy!
Diane


Transition Guide Training

I am seeking training as a transition guide. I currently am a volunteer doing respite care and massage for a hospice in San Jose CA. As far as I have been able to find...there is not much out there for this type of training. I had applied for the Zen Hopsice training program (San Francisco) and did not get in lst year, but decided I would re-apply this year. Now I see that they are only seeking those whom they consider "professionals" in the field all ready. Even with my years of volunteer work (6) I could not get in over the Dr.s and psychotherapists. I do not wish to spend thousands of $ and 3000 hours to get a M.A. / LCSW or any other generalized licensure for this very specific type of work. I do have a BA in Humanities with an emphasis on Psych . My Sr. Thesis was "Touch for the Dying". As it is right now I am considering starting a hospice massage program.... as I want to get to work.... now. Not 3-4 yrs from now.

Do you have any suggestions? Thoughts?

Thnaks for your time.....

Conni

Dear Conni,
Part of the problem is that this is a new field and there aren't any "jobs" out there for us yet and very few training programs. That's the reason I put my ideas in a book and on my web site, and gave up trying to develop a training program myself... and that's a good place for you to start, click here and get a copy of my book, Through the Tunnel. It will certainly give you a step up when you do find a program. There are a lot of resources on the site which may lead you to a training program. People have written and told me they've used my book in a training program they were developing, usually nurses and ministers, but I don't know where they are. I think there's one in northern California and there's Chalice of Repose in Missoula, Missouri. Maggie Callanan who wrote Final Gifts I think has a program and Kathleen Dowling Singh who wrote The Grace in Dying has been working on something. Also Dannion Brinkley's Twilight Brigade/Compassion in Action. I think with the aging baby boomer population, there's going to be a big need for this kind of end of life care and more openness to it in the not too distant future.

I know what you mean about degrees, even after I got my master's, when I tried to get into hospice, I didn't have the right master's degree... you can't win. Just have to make your own path through the jungle!

If I can be of any other help, let me know.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

I am not much use

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I have peripheral vascular disease and have had a couple of minor strokes and heart attacks and I am not much use really. I do not see much point in liveing a useless life full of pain and heart ache. Fear keeps me alive, I guess I dont have the courage of my late wife or of my son who shot himself at 21 years old, However you have certainly painted some new colors in my humble paintbox.

Noel

Dear Noel,
Now is the time for you to find inner peace and prepare yourself for your transition, perhaps even speed up the process if that is your desire. My book, Through the Tunnel, is written to help people like you... it is a guidebook for conscious dying. Bless you on your journey, you will find it to be a wonderful experience.

Peace & Joy!
Diane

My dog is dying

Dear Diane,

There is no better time to write you on matters which you know best.

My only companion and friend is dying, my dog Betsy. I have made several promises to her, and I think we understand each other. I promised no drugs and euthanasia, unless she were suffering, which she does not seem to be. I promised I would be with her throughout it all--I am with her. I told her everything she is experiencing is "normal" and to have no fear.

From your book, Through the Tunnel, I have asked her to go to the Clear Light, should she see and feel it. I have told her that "mommy" (Rebecca) will be in the Light and everyone will be happy to see each other. I have told her to not suffer to stay on my account. That I will see her shortly. We have made our "peace", for we loved each other very deeply. I thanked her for being in my life, she is and was a joy and no other equals her goodness and her love. I thanked her for all that she gave me.

Should it really be her time, do you have any suggestions for me to assist her further? She is currently traversing both realities. When she is awake, she is alert. But she involuntarily dozes and forces herself out of that state. Her physical condition is one of progressive emaciation and bodily starvation, since she now does not want to eat.

Of course, I ask Rebecca too for guidance. But my emotional condition, I suppose, limits this communication.

Thank you Diane,

love, michael

Dear Michael,
I'm so sorry to hear about Betsy, it's so hard losing a pet. You're doing all the right things to help her prepare for her transition. When she crosses over, continue urging her to the light and to look for Rebecca. Talk to her about the joy she's moving toward not the sadness you feel. Your grieving is for later, this is your most special time with her and hers with you... talk about your fondest memories with her when she's alert. Talk to Rebecca about Betsy coming home to her. At some point you may feel a release or extreme calmness or some feeling that tells you she has made her transition and has no more need for her body.

I'll send love and light to Betsy that all is for her highest good. Keep me posted.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

Dear Diane,

Just a quick THANK YOU for taking the time to help and think about us. I will do as you say.

love, michael

How do I approach hospice to offer my services?

Hi Diane,

I recently lost my mother last month from a long and debilitating illness, although mum was blessed to have passed over quickly in the manner that she did. Mum went to a hospice every week and it is for this very reason that I write to you. I am very interested in working with the dying and helping them through their transition. I am blessed in this life as I have always been on my  spiritual path, I'm a Reiki practitioner, healer and have also been blessed with meeting my twin flame and working with him in doing God's work. I am concentrating on channelling the energy from the Kundalini, as I have also been blessed with this energy to use for the benefit of others. Question, if you would kindly oblige, how do I approach the hospices to offer this sort of service, and will it be received well ? 

Thanking you in anticipation, and also for sharing your wonderful knowledge.

Many blessings to you
Jane

Dear Jane,
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother... she was blessed to have you with her. I'm not sure of how things are in this area in the UK... the last I checked in with hospice services here in the US, they weren't very open. They have government funding so they have to follow certain rules, guidelines, etc. There is a way however by becoming a hospice volunteer, which is a person who usually provides respite care so the caregiver can get out of the house. If the dying person or the family wants to talk about dying, the volunteer is there to listen and, in my case, if I found the person open to what I had to say, I would gradually open up the conversation more. Hospitals and nursing homes are the same... as a volunteer, if you are there to sit with someone and it comes up so be it. But to go in and say I want to help people cross over... I'm not sure they'd be interested.

I wrote my book, Through the Tunnel, 10 years ago and it was sort of ground breaking back then. Of course, in Eastern traditions, it's been done for centuries but has been dismissed by Western religions. The good news is that it is being talked about more now and I can see a field opening up for spiritual midwives eventually. I'm just not sure where it's going to fit in between religion and medicine. Universities are now offering thanatology courses and non-traditional colleges are offering degrees in spiritual healing and such. There is a program at a hospital in Missouri, now run by a physician, teaching music thanatology... it was started by a woman who plays the harp for the dying. There are several good books to read, click here, by people who are promoting this field. Kathleen Singh, who wrote The Grace in Dying, has taught some online courses and Maggie Callanan, Final Gifts, is a hospice nurse who writes about her experiences with the dying. I would say learn as much as you can and talk to as many people as you can. If you belong to a church, you could make it known you are interested in being there for members. If you do any writing, write articles for church bulletins, local newspapers, etc. Get other people interested and involved. When the tide shifts, you'll be ready to step in.

Bless you for wanting to be part of this. Let me know if you make any progress or if I can help you with other questions.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

Dearest Diane,

Happy New Year to you and may it be filled with interesting journeys and happiness.

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain about assisting the dying............. this is a learning experience for me so I will take my time to read the books that you have suggested, and to do the necessary research. I fully understand the reasoning behind the diplomatic approach............ I'm very blessed in this life to have had a spiritual journey all my life, in particular for finding my spiritual counterpart (twinflame) and to experience the Kundalini Awakening within to use for the purpose for my Reiki healing and hopefully to assist those who are also on a spiritual path. I will keep you informed of my progress and thank you again for your loving support.

Many Blessings
Jane

Interested in helping myself and others make a graceful transition

hi,
I am very interested in helping myself and others make a graceful transition. I spent 20 years assisting souls into the world as a labor and delivery nurse and at this point in my life am very interested in the next big transition. I head a sufi burial committee where I assist and instruct in ritual ablutions for women who have died. I volunteer with the chaplaincy at a local hospital and visit mostly the elderly. I have considered becoming an interfaith minister as a way to help me interface more with individuals wanting to make a more conscious transition. I have done volunteer hospice work in my sufi community. So essentially most of my knowledge is experiential. 
How can I learn more so that I can teach and help more?
Thanks,
dana  

Dear Dana,
You're at the point where you need to start teaching others and through that process you will learn more and help more people.You need to figure out at what level you want to teach and in what environments, which will determine your next step. If you want to teach professionals, you need to be more credentialed than if you want to help families with terminally ill members. You might want to develop teaching programs or be a presenter. You might want to speak at church groups, you may want to address doctors or lawyers or legislators... work with the right to death with dignity advocates. You might want to write a book about your experiences, do media appearances around the country and discuss the art of conscious dying. Be open to however your path opens up before you, pay attention to coincidences, follow your hunches... they will lead you to new doors.

This field is opening up now and there will be opportunities for those who are ready to take human consciousness to a new level in the coming years. Colleges and universities are starting to offer degree programs in spirituality and healing and higher consciousness... get a degree or become a teacher or both. Become an ordained minister and work at the community level.

Read my book, Through the Tunnel... read Maggie Callanan's book, Final Gifts... The Grace in Dying by Kathleen Singh... read everything by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross... make your own sense out of it all in relation to your own experiences with birth and death, and develop your own way of expressing the meaning of it all when you work with others.

It's gratifying to know more and more people are interested in getting involved in helping others prepare for a conscious transition. Keep in touch and let me know how your path evolves. If I can be of any help along the way, please write. I'm here to support those are called to this work.
Peace & Joy!
Diane

Dear Diane,
thank you so very much for taking the time to reply to me. It means a lot. Some of the things you suggested, are things I have felt nudges in my heart to do. 
 Several years ago, I called and spoke with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross a number of times. It was interesting speaking with her. She was a bit skeptical getting a phone call from a stranger. I got the feeling that she felt the world had not been kind to her.  I had to assure her that I wanted nothing from her other than to share with someone else this bizarre interest of mine. She told me that she had suffered seven strokes, was wheelchair bound and lived alone. I found this somewhat disturbing that she chose to be alone in her process after spending so many years assisting others. Sometimes when I called, she was open. Sometimes she was grumpy, short- understandably. She asked if I would come visit her. I told her I was in Philadelphia. I told her I would love to visit her if I got out to Arizona and she was up for a visit. At one point, she asked me if I was going to continue "her work." The weight of this kind of shocked me. I wondered what it would be like to be known as the "Death Lady." 
 I think this is why I feel so greatful for having stumbled upon you, your books, and your work.   
Again, thank you for your encouragement. Perhaps, if each of us just does a little bit, we can reawaken our culture to the sacredness of this event.
many thanks,
dana
  

 

What was my Gram aware of in her final moments?

I hope you will help me... Quite honestly, I don't even know what I'm searching for. This past Monday, my Grandmother of 81 years left this world as I held her hand.

My Grandma had spend a large part of the last 5 years suffering in the confusion of Alzhiemers Disease. My grandma was a very committed person to her faith, and during the course of the last year, I would visit her often, but needed the support of other family members with me when I visited her.

My grandma slipped in to a coma .. I'm not sure if it was drug induced, since she was most combative during the last few months of her life, she was medicated, to keep her from hurting others or herself, and she was also on liquid morphine.

Something told me on Monday morning... "GO NOW" If I had had a chance to think about it... the fact that I was going alone, I probably would have stayed put... but something told me to Go NOW. I made it to the nursing home and took my Grandma's hand in mine alone.... I sat with her.. and instinctivly said a "Hail Mary" allowed, as I watched her struggling to breathe. I held her hand, and I told her I was with her and that I loved her... when I did that, she opened her eyes, and looked right at me... (something she had not done in a week) I told her that "the angels" were all around her.. and It was ok to go... I could feel just a sense of love around her bed.. and with a small breath, her hand in mine... she died. The last thing I told her was that I loved her.. I just kept saying it over and over again. If she could see me.. she knew she was not alone.. and that was my biggest fear, that she would die alone... If she could hear me.. she could hear me telling her I loved her.

I am searching over the net, and came across your web site... I don't know what I"m looking for... but I just feel compelled to search for what my Gram was aware of in her final moments... and why she picked the time with me there alone with her to leave? Or maybe I had perfect timing, I was only with her a few short minutes before she left.

Can you help me.... Are you aware of what people understand before the die? I'm worried that because my grandma had Alzhimers Disease that when she passed over she was still confused...

I would appreciate hearing from you.. I know you are probably so busy, and receive lots of mail.. but I"m reaching out to you to try and understand. I want to know and understand if I can what my gram was thinking.. if she could think.. if she was aware of me being there.... what happened to her spirit when she slipped away from me... if I can somehow still communicate with her... I loved her so. Was she waiting for me to be alone with her.. was there a message in that that I"m missing....

Thank you.. I enjoyed your experience so much.. It gives me hope that my Gram enjoyed the same beauty and warmth you did.

Debbie

 

Dear Debbie,

Many people do their dying on their own terms. Apparently your grandmother wanted just you with her, she sent you a message, go now, you did, and she did. Some people wait until everyone is out of the room to go, others wait until someone special arrives from across the county. The fact that her brain no longer worked doesn't mean her mind wasn't working. You did just the right thing at the right time and your grandmother is at peace. Your life has been enriched by being with someone you love when they made their transition... along with the saddness, there is great joy in knowing that they are free from the limits of their physical body and have returned to their true home.

Some good books for you to read to help you understand the dying process would be Final Gifts, written by two hospice nurses about how people experience the dying process, any books by Elisabth Kubler-Ross, who was a pioneer in the field of death and dying, and my book, Through the Tunnel, which explains the process of dying and transition to the after life. For example, hearing is the last sense to go, so your grandmother did hear what you said to her and she knew she wasn't alone. Continue speaking to your grandmother because she can still hear you and will always watch over you and be proud of you.

Peace & Joy!

Diane

 

Speechless

Dear Diane:

I just visited your site. And I am speechless. I have been reading through your articles beginning with the right to die. I am caring for an elderly grandmother who I refused to let stay in a nursing home. Just recently we started a journal of sorts to organize her memories and life. I continued reading on through meaning of life etc and the hair on my arms and the crown of my head stood up. I was moved to tears. Some how I wanted to cry with joy for what I was reading. I was so deeply touched by your insights some how you've articulated so many things I've felt, thought and sensed. I will go back and read more.

Sonny

Note: Sonny is the author of an inspirational article called "Awakening" which you'll find at Spiritual Lessons Beyond the Veil: Know ThySelf

 

 

Concerned about final decisions

Dear Diane,

My son was in a vehicle accident and had a tramatic head injury, he was in a coma for 2 years and 4 months before he died in my arms. I miss him so much. His father died in a car accident two weeks before he was born, I named him after his father and he was so very much like his dad. When his accident happened he was 22 going on 23, when his dad died (instantly) he was 22 going on 23. This is all too coincidental, same age, same name, samelikeness. I just don't understand how I could have been put in the same situation all over again 22 years later. It was a nightmare. I hope my son knows I was there for him, I was with him everyday, and if I missed a day it had to be for a very good reason. I made decisions that I had no idea if they were right or wrong, if it was what my son wanted or if he is angry at me for decisions I may have made incorrectly. I made the final decision to let him go when again he was looking at another surgery (to go into his brain), I couldn't do it again and not know if he wanted me to keep him going or just let him go. I loved then and I love him now. Is he ok, is he angry at me? Did I make the right decisions, was he in pain and suffering in a coma? Did he know I was there for him? Does he know he died in my arms, please tell him I love him so very much and I miss him terribly. I told him when he died we would be together, I promised. This is true isn't it? Please answer my email, please.

Thank you and God Bless.

Susan

 

Dear Susan,

It's important to realize that we don't know what choices our Soul makes before coming into this life and whatever happens is for the benefit of our spiritual growth-- even though none of this makes sense from our human perspective. I'd say you made the right decision to let your son go. A person in a coma is sort of hanging between life and death, participating in neither, yet aware of everything going on. He learned a lot about love during that time from you, which is apparently something his Soul needed to learn, and is grateful for the care you gave him and that you were able to let him go. He is well and healthy and with his father. He is getting on with his life and hopes the same for you. He will be there to greet you when it is your time to leave your body. And remember, we don't die, only our bodies die. We are spiritual beings having human experiences, not the other way around.

Peace & Joy!

Diane

My father is dying

Dear Diane,

I've been reading some of the topics, especially the Going to the light 1&2. On September 22, my 84 year old dad fell in a nursing home and hit his head. It resulted in a very large subdural hematoma. He was put on a vent when he became non-responsive and was in respiratory distress. Dr. Pieterson did a craniotomy on him 8 hours after he showed distress. On post op day 14, my dad opened his eyes, and for a few days off and on responded to our voices. He was never really awake for any period of time. Now for several weeks, he has had pneumonia and has not responed to 3 antibiotics. He seems very comatose. Now he is only on oxygen, breathing treatments, has a trach and gastrostomy feeding tube. His doctor says he won't get any better, and he is gradually getting worse. His B/P is 100/50 Pulse is 110, Resp are 32.

They have been this way for 2 weeks. I'm not sure of the Blood Gases now that he is in a Skill nursing home. I have signed DNR papers, and are only allowing comfort care. I spend as much time with him as I can, and work too. My question is, is there any one who has expierence in this who may know how long a person can live this way? He is comfortable and restful for which I am very thankful. I talk to him often and let him know it's okay if he is ready to leave us. We all sing to him his favorite songs. He is of a strong christian faith and talked about how he looked forward to going to his final home. I've placed him in the Lords hands, and will wait as patiently as He wants me too. I look to Him for healing or dying, whatever He decides. I'm thankful that I have had these days to love him and spend time with him. I know only God knows the time a person has on this earth, but I guess, I'm looking for someone who knows something about this to let me know if it could be a long time and what to expect. The doctor just says the infection will be what gets him.

Thank you for your helpful site, and for listening to me sound off.

Sincerely,

Sherryl

 

Dear Sherryl,

That's one of those great unknowns. While your father is in this state he is building his spiritual body and is in contact with those who will help him cross over. While I'm not in favor of prolonging the dying process (using feeding tubes, artificial breathing, etc.), I understand the reason many people feel this is necessary and it is certainly up to the family to decide (everyone should make these decisions for themselves before something like this happens to them), but I believe it makes transition more difficult for the dying person. If there is no way he is going to come out of this, then keeping him alive artificially is for the sake of the living who can't let go. Dying is a wonderful experience and he is probably wishing you would let him go. I hope you will pray about it and find it in your heart to release him.

Peace & Joy!

Diane

 

Thank you very much Diane. You told me what I needed to hear. I'll do what I can to see if we can stop everything. Sometimes, I don't think I have any say. May God continue to Bless you. Sherryl

 

Centers for the Dying

I get so many requests for information about Dannion Brinkley's work that I thought it would save me time if I put what information I have here, although I have no connection to him. His group is called Compassion in Action (CIA - his humor related to having worked for the Central Intelligence Agency in the past). His volunteer organization is called The Twilight Brigade with the national office located on the campus of the West Los Angeles Veterans Administration Medical Center, P.O. Box 84103, Los Angeles, CA 90073. Phone (310) 473-1941, Fax (310) 473-1951, Email: CIANATL@aol.com, web site TwilightBrigade.org

Comfort for the Caregiver

Diane:

My father-in-law has fought a good battle against liver cancer, but is now near the end. My wife is his only child and this is hitting her extremely hard. She has stayed by his bedside now for nearly 75 straight hours, with small breaks mixed in to eat, clean up, etc. I've tried to find the right words to help and I think I've succeeded to some degree, but with your near-death experience, words from you would carry more weight. If you could offer her some comforting words, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

bill

Dear Sue,

Your husband wrote to me asking me if I could help you during this difficult time as he is concerned with the stress on you. You and I know that can't be helped and you have to do this, but maybe what I can tell you will help you through it.

Most of my book, Through the Tunnel: A Traveler's Guide to Spiritual Rebirth, is on my web site. Please read it. Amazon.com can ship next day air if you want to get the whole book. It will tell you all you need to know about the process of dying so you know what's going on and how to talk your father through it, guide him to the Light. Your father will be able to hear you even after he leaves his body and that's when he needs most to hear you guiding him.

You'll need to put aside your grief during this time and be there for him. If you can look at the process of dying as spiritual rebirth, not so different from the process of being born into this world, you will be of more help to him on this journey he is about to take. For him, on the other side, it will be a wonderful, joyous occasion, a returning home. For him to move into the Light, sadly, it is the time for both of you to let go.

What we call death is really a transition from the physical to the spiritual world. We don't die. Only our bodies die, simply no longer able to support our life force. We are spiritual beings having human experiences and as soon as we "die," we remember that as we find ourselves freed from all the limitations of the physical body. We are healthy and whole and filled with God's love.

If your father can still communicate, talk to him about dying and get him to tell you what he is experiencing. This is a time when people often see deceased relatives, angels, spirit guides, surrounding their bedside. It is a very sacred time. This is the time to say everything you want to say, forgive and ask for forgiveness, clear up any past misunderstandings, express love and gratitude. This is for your benefit as well as his. If he is unable to talk to you, then you just talk to him, even if you think he's unconscious. His Soul is listening.

I hope you have Hospice to help because this is more than one person can handle. They can keep him pain free and give you some support and relief. Caregiving is one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs we'll ever have to do and the biggest mistake caregivers make is not taking care of themselves first.

I pray that your father has a peaceful transition. If I can be of any further help, please write.

Peace & Joy,

Diane

 

Letting Go to the Light #1

my 66 year old father is dying from cancer (suspected primary-lung) . Approximately two weeks ago he was told that there was nothing that could be done to prolong his life.He had tried chemotherapy and had been given 4 treatments with no success. He came home from a hospital admit for a DVT about 10 days ago, and at that time was very coherent and communicative, although very slept a great deal. Five days ago, he became non verbal, and now is in a state of what appears to be a semi comatous state. He will , at times react to certain people at his bedside, and will moan once in a while. He is extremely jaundiced, and will lay for hours with his eyes about one third of the way open. I am aware that he hears what is going on and I am certain that he recognizes us by the way he reacts. He seems to be "fighting" death.Three days ago he opened his eyes wide and looked up at the ceiling and began to raise his arms and make movements with his mouth, but then after a couple of minutes, he shook his head in a negative response, and began to kick his legs. My question to you is - Is it possible that he is able to fight death at this point, and if so, what can we do to make this journey less painful for him? It is horrible to see him this way.

Yes, there is something you can do for him. He can hear you and you can talk to him about letting go and going to the light. If he is in fear of death because he thinks it is the end of his existence, you need to be able to reassure him that he will merely be stepping out of his useless body and into his beautiful spiritual body where he will be whole again. It is for people like your father that I wrote my book, Through the Tunnel. Most of the book is on my web site and it would be helpful for you to read it so you are aware of how to reach him. The last part that you need to help him move past the fear is not on the web site however and for that you would need to purchase the book. (Now available immediately online as eBook)

Peace & Joy!

Diane

 

Letting Go to the Light #2

Dear Diane,

My 81 year old father is dying. He drifts in and out of consciousness. I don't know whether he can hear me or not. Please help me, I don't know what to do.

Cathy

 

Dear Cathy,

Your father is not dying, only his body is dying. Speak to him as a living being embarking on his journey home where he will be whole and healthy and filled with joy and wonder. Encourage him to go to the light and release his attachments to the earth. Tell him to keep thoughts of love and compassion on his mind as he makes his journey and not to be distracted by anything else, just go to the light. Help him to let go peacefully by letting go peacefully yourself. My book, Through the Tunnel, may help you better understand what he's going through and how you can assist him (order).

May the love of God surround you both as you enter into life's greatest mystery-- that there is no death.

Peace & Joy!

Diane

 

Thanks Diane ----

This is what I did and he passed into the next realm on September 22 at 7 pm. I needed focusing into what I was already aware of and you helped. Thank you soooo much !!

Peace and Light to you always

Cathy

 

Conversations About End of Life Issues

The following are excerpts from an on-going conversation I had with a pediatric ICU nurse.

Dear Diane,

Thanks for writing back. It's nice to have someone to chat with that's on the same wavelength. Ditto about the lessons. We are all searching and if we keep an open mind the truth of the universe will be revealed to us. I have been reading Conversations With God and I find it refreshing. I am amazed at the similarity of thought that I read in the book and my own views. More amazing still is that the things presented by the God entity are word for word things that I have said and opinions that I share with friends and family. Not that I think I am so enlightened only that I feel it represents a much broader belief system. It is like the universal unconscious or conscious or whatever it was that Jung wrote about. I just think these things are widely held belief systems. Conflict occurs when humans stray from this universal belief and that is where the darkness comes in. We all know on some level the truth and we are like the salmon swimming upstream to arrive back at the beginnings.

So about my patients. I love my little "hemers" as we affectionately call them. That means hematology-oncology patients. Talk about huge lessons in a hurry. I think if you subscribe to the thought that we choose our paths, then these souls are truly great and distinguished. There is so much suffering that they must endure physically. Then there are the lessons again. Sometimes the mechanics and dynamics of the family pretty much tell the story. I had a darling little girl that I took care of named Mary. Her mom was extremely involved and knowledgeable about the physical aspects of the little girl's tumor and in the techniques involved in her care. The mom spoke like a dr. to the dr.s, a nurse to the nurses, and not at all did she speak to the child. It broke my heart that there was not much of a relationship with the precious little girl yet there was an incredible bond with the child's illness. The child's tumor was not about to go into remission and remission was the only hope they had of getting the child to a place where they could do a marrow transplant. All the time I heard the mom say we can't stop trying to get a remission because then the tumor will take over and she won't get a transplant. All the talk revolved around the disease state and what the next round of chemo would be. I said to the mom what chance do they give for recovery with the transplant. It was less than 50 percent. I told her that transplants were incredibly difficult for patients to endure and a less than 50 percent chance wasn't the best odds. She said there wasn't any other choice. I got the distinct feeling that the woman was not so afraid of losing her daughter as she was of losing this illness. It gave this woman a way to interact with people in the only safe way she knew how. It was a technical cold relationship that she forged but anything closer would have been threatening to her. I saw in the midst of all this a woman who was most likely the product of a sterile unloving home. (She was germaphobic, too.)

Well I guess I have made a short story long once again, as I seem to do . At any rate there was a huge sacrifice on the part of this child. This mom had to lose a child to get into the place of learning how to build relationships. I wonder if the woman ever got a clue. The child had an explosive tumor growth and died quickly without getting a transplant. No dr. ever said to this family that the transplant was a long shot. No one dared to suggest that perhaps the most humane thing to do would be to take the child home. How ridiculous it would be to suggest that they simply hold and love their precious baby and tell her of a place where suffering is absent. That there is a place that is warm and loving as anything she had ever known. To tell her that it was a pleasure and a joy to share the time they had with her courageous spirit and all that they had learned from her brave fight. It gets easier and easier for me to express myself to these families and to these children. I know of my God's plan for this world and that we mortals haven't control over how it comes down. Come down it will, come hell or high water and we've certainly seen a lot of both of those things recently!!! Thanks so much for being there to share with me. I love you for that!!! Let me hear from you again soon.

Love Phil

 

 

Dear Phil,

Interesting story about Mary and her mother, how people handle these difficult situations. She resorted to intellectualism and forgot to love. I think doctors hold out